


Wanting

by kiyala



Series: seven days of stupid dwarves [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Codependent Siblings, Incest, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 07:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They want each other, separately, thinking they are the only one who does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanting

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [dailyfics](http://dailyfics.livejournal.com/) 7-day challenge prompt #01. secrets

Kili doesn't know how Fili wants him. He doesn't notice the way his big brother watches him, watches every move, every expression, every tiny smile, committing it all to memory so that he can replay it to himself when they're apart.

Kili doesn't know just how central he is to every single thought that Fili has. From dawn to dusk, from waking to slumber, it is Kili that he cares about, Kili that he structures his days around. They spend their mornings together, eating, laughing, talking, until they both have to work. Fili thinks of his brother then, when they're apart, and counts the hours until they're together again.

Some mutter the word _codependency_ , like they should know better, like they have been given any better alternatives. Fili thinks of it as _devotion_ , even if Kili cannot know just how important he is. It would scare him, and that's the last thing that Fili wants.

So he keeps his mouth shut, glances when Kili won't notice, and loves him fiercely like that.

«·»

When Kili is alone in his bed at night, with his door shut and the lanterns turned off, his thoughts turn to Fili.

He'll strip out of his clothes, open the small vial of oil hidden under his pillow, and finger himself, pretending it's his brother instead. He'll bite his lip to stay silent, and bite the pillow when that isn't enough, stretching himself open, fingers thrusting in and out relentlessly. He imagines Fili's hands on his hips, on his back, holding him down. He imagines Fili's cock inside him, stretching him, filling him, fucking him.

He's certain there's something wrong with him, to want his brother like this. He loves Fili, he truly does, and it's impossible not to, with his soft smiles and kind eyes. He listens to what Kili has to say, he pays attention and he _cares_ , and Kili does the same.

Kili loves him, perhaps a little too much; admires him, more than anything or anyone else in the world; and wants him, desperately, to the point where he can barely hold himself back.

But he knows his boundaries. Even when he wish they didn't exist at all. He knows that Fili only cares for him as a brother, nothing more. There's a reason he's here, fantasising about Fili instead of sharing a bed with him. It's wrong, it's forbidden, it's unhealthy, and Kili repeats it to himself, just as he always does, and tries not to whimper Fili's name as he comes.


End file.
